VAL: What’s the matter?
ME: I’m stuck. Help me come up with something for Throwback Thursday on the blog.
VAL: Hmm. Lemme think…
ME: An entertaining story from way back, from when we were kids—something like that.
VAL: How about the time we went to Cub Foods, and you bought a gummi rat as big as your hand? When we got home, you stomped into my room and bit the head off it like a 7th grade Ozzy Osbourne.
ME: God, I can’t tell that one. Grossed myself out after the first bite.
VAL: Okay, umm—how about when we were in high school and I’d make that noise kinda like WNNNNNNNNG!!! and push your butt up the stairs with the top of my head to make you move faster?
ME: Nah. Too hard to explain the context.
VAL: You’re right. How about the Halloween where you went to school as Mr. T? Mom ripped the sleeves out of an old t-shirt, and you borrowed every single Estée Lauder free gift bonus necklace Maw-Maw had. Mom made you a Mohawk skullcap from old pantyhose and black acrylic yarn.
ME: I pity the fool who suggests that story.
VAL: Wait! How about the time when you fell out of the car at the South Carolina welcome center? You skinned the hell out of your knee because your entire left leg had gone to sleep and you didn’t know it.
ME: You are supremely unhelpful.
VAL: I’ve got it—how about the time in the front yard at the house in Alabama, when that guy hauling a mule in the back of a furniture truck ran over our mailbox? You must’ve been about 12—you started screaming that you couldn’t send anyone any letters anymore, and that your life was totally ruined. And then you flipped the guy off, and Daddy just about fell over from laughing so hard.
ME: Forget it. No Throwback Thursday this week.
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