R.S. Williams

All I want is to get the words right.

More Things I Have Overheard at Funerals

A:  Look!
B:  At what?
A:  Over by the casket.
B:  Oh, for the love of God. Who wears hot pants to their grandmother’s funeral?

*****

B:  Well. That was interesting.
C:  You got that right. I mean, karaoke? At a funeral?
B:  [sings] Byyyyye-byyyyyye, Miss American Pie!
C:  I’ve never been to a funeral where the preacher sings along with a boom box. Well, not until today.

*****

A:  I know why Mrs. H______ finally died.
B:  Why?
A:  She ran out of people to stay with.

*****

D:  That sure was a nice eulogy M_______’s daughter gave.
E:  Mmm-hmm. So nice that it took every bit of strength I had not to stand up and say, “Who are you even talking about?!? It sure as hell ain’t your mama!”

© R.S. Williams (all rights reserved)

 

3 Comments

  1. At the last funeral I attended, several people got up to speak about the deceased. His son waited until four of these testimonials unfolded before standing up to yell, “Oh yeah, he was awesome!” before storming out. Had an hour later he texted me:

    ‘Oops.’

    Best day in about 6 months.

  2. He’s brilliant. And no hypocrite. You’d love him and his wife both.

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